


mistletoe

by mercuryhatter



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Other, fic advent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-01
Updated: 2014-12-01
Packaged: 2018-02-27 16:32:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2699717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercuryhatter/pseuds/mercuryhatter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day One of Fic Advent Or Whatever. Did you know that growing mistletoe from a seed takes 4-5 years? Crowley does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	mistletoe

**Author's Note:**

> these are my usual headcanons of transfeminine Crowley and trans woman Aziraphale, hence the pronouns.

Mistletoe was quite possibly one of the most fiddly plants in existence, and required far more patience than a single demon could hold, Crowley was quickly discovering. The ghastly parasite wasn’t hard to maintain once you had actually gotten it to germinate, but it took four or five  _years_  to grow— which you might think wouldn’t be a problem for one possessed of Infernal Wiles And Such, but Crowley had a strict policy against using their wiles on their plants. And as it turned out, you couldn’t just insult mistletoe into growing faster. It wasn’t for lack of trying, either. 

So Crowley had taken the long way around. They collected ripe mistletoe berries from a nursery and smashed several of them onto the Douglas fir that they were growing in one of the rooms of their flat with just a bit of manipulation to the size of said room and exactly how much sunlight could reach it. They were tempted to simply take a nap until the damn things started to grow, but once they were mature Crowley needed to make sure one with stamen and one with pistils grew close enough together to fertilize one another, and that they actually did so, because apparently these blessed plants couldn’t be trusted to copulate on their own. Six years of grumbling, insulting, nudging and imploring these things to grow, and to grow into the pinnacle of their species (because Crowley would accept nothing less after all this trouble)— not to mention six years of attempting to keep the occultly manipulated room a secret from Aziraphale— and the angel has the  _gall_  to go out and purchase fake mistletoe made of  _plastic._  With actual glitter on the berries. 

After several minutes of doing nothing but turning bright, appalled red while sputtering and pointing at the decoration, Crowley finally managed to find their words.

"SIX YEARS," they yelled. "GLITTER!" 

"Um," Aziraphale replied, being unhelpfully un-telepathic. Crowley groaned and seized Aziraphale by the arm, dragging her down the hall and to the room that probably shouldn’t be quite as big as it is.

"Crowley, you  _didn’t_  mess with spacetime just to grow a tree, did you?” Aziraphale said indignantly. “It is a very nice tree, but still, the laws of physics are in place for a reason, you know.” Crowley jabbed their finger upward at the small spray of white berries that inhabited one of the lower branches, its place marked by a red ribbon. 

"Mistletoe takes six years to mature," they said weakly, "and I have a policy." 

"I see," Aziraphale said, quiet and less indignant now. 

"Yeah. Well." Crowley shrugged and tugged at a loose strand of hair. "Anyway." 

"Yes," Aziraphale said. She stepped forward, disentangled Crowley’s fingers from their hair, and kissed them. With faint amusement, she felt Crowley squeak just before the distance between their lips was closed. The glittery plastic monstrosity of a fake arboreal parasite vanished from her fingers as a cold wind (which certainly should not be blowing inside the flat, but they could discuss the parameters of spacetime manipulation later) ruffled the needles of the fir and led Aziraphale to pull Crowley closer. 

**Author's Note:**

> The advent prompts I'm using can be found here: http://theselfieofdoriangrey.tumblr.com/post/104047484189/slightly-less-snowy-and-christmasy-25-days-prompts Not all of these will be Good Omens, but I'm posting them all in a single series for my own organization purposes.


End file.
